...
Look in my eyes and say that again.
“I’m doing fine.”
Why are you lying?
“I’m not.”
You are. You don’t feel like that. You can’t feel that way.
“Why not?”
Because I know.
“Know what?”
I know you. I know me. Us.
“You don’t, leave me alone!”
You know I can’t.
…
…
“I have to go.”
After that I put my shoes on and take my keys. I walk outside and lock my door. The light of the outside world hurts my eyes. My eyes close by themselves because of the brightness. I slowly try to open them again after a minute. I see people walking; they all look hasty and worried. Except for the children, they have innocent smiles on their faces. I decide to begin walking as I see a familiar face approaching me. While she passes me I stand still then I turn around.
“I’m invisible…”
Of course not, maybe she just didn’t see you.
I continue walking until I arrive at a little park. I wonder why went outside this late. It’s close to midnight and I’m alone at a park. I feel at peace though like I’m alone.
You’re never alone.
“Shut up, I don’t want you here.”
I shake my head and close my eyes. When I’m at this park I can relax. I don’t have to think about anything. I have no worries about life I just feel good.
“I wish I could stay here forever.”
It’s late, you should go home. What if something happens?
I open my eyes and look around. There is a soft wind that blows the leaves off of the trees. Fall was a season loved by many people because of the leaves. As a kid I used to play with my friends in a park like this one. We were so energetic and happy; I remember I always fell somewhere because I wasn’t careful when I played. I used to cry and my mother would run to me to help me.
“I don’t cry anymore, I don’t need help.”
You do cry.
“No, I don’t.”
Yes, you do, all the time. I can feel it.
“Don’t tell me that.”
You know it is the truth.
It starts raining but I only decide to leave after my clothes were soaking wet. People like fall but they often dislike the rain. Isn’t it part of the season? They say it’s like the sky is crying, like something bad would happen. Everyone needs a clear start. After the rain washes everything away only a clear sky awaits.
Like you.
“No, I’m suck into ice.”
Even ice melts when there is sun.
“There is no sun in my life.”
Be your own sun.
“You say it like it’s easy.”
I say it but you think it which means you still have hope.
“In this world hope doesn’t exist everything has been set at the start. Nothing can be changed so you have to learn to deal with it.”
Nothing can be set at the start. You can change everything. It’s your choice whether you will be happy or not.
“Wanting to change isn’t the only thing you need to make it. I don’t have what it takes to be happy.”
What makes you happy?
“Family … Friends…”
You have those.
“No I don’t, they have me.”
Suddenly I realize I’m home again. I lay down on my bed as I look up at my ceiling. I feel a stream of tears flowing down my cheeks.
“Why does this always happen?”
…
“Tell me! Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me?”
…
…
…
I don’t know. Leave me alone…
