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In my life I have met a lot of people. A lot of them I disliked which says a lot about me too. I’m not sure why I am that way but it’s how I’ve always been and I realized it will never change. Lucky for me there are also people that I like. These people accept me for who I am, but goodbyes come and go even with the people I liked.

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I’ve always tried to stay as strong as possible. My weak side has always been something only I knew of. Not even one tear appeared in public. No one was able to break that imaginary wall.

 

As you would’ve guessed out of nowhere one person appeared that broke it. That wall slowly disappeared while he kept taking bricks away. It took him a while but eventually he saw the other side. The side which never showed itself.

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That person meant so much to me; I decided to tell the truth instead of lies. Showing feelings is difficult especially when you aren’t used to it. That is the reason why I had trouble showing him how much I cared for him. I wanted to tell him I love him but my words just weren’t enough.

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That’s how I lost him. This time I was closed behind glass doors. My best friend saw how I felt but I couldn’t tell her how I really felt. Again I hid my feelings for the world and I closed my heart behind prison bars. I couldn’t talk to him even though he tried to speak to me. I just stayed in my room, while I looked at my walls I cried once again, alone.

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I couldn’t ignore him though. After I used up all my tears I started talking again to friends,  to family and to him. I only spoke empty words though. I tried liking someone else and I did but I kept thinking back. What if it was different? What if I didn’t leave him? What if it wasn’t over? Did I make a mistake? Those questions roamed through my mind while I tried to sleep every night.Liking someone while I’m not over him was a big mistake. I got rejected which ended  up in me crying again. I wasn’t crying because I got rejected though, it was because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was so confused and wondered what I did wrong.

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Time passed and he told me how he felt. He told me I had hurt him. His words made me drown in guilt. I felt like a horrible person which I actually was because I never explained anything to him. I was still confused. I thought things were going to be okay. Things will never be alright until you do something about them yourself. I realized that.

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After talking I decided to try again and I was left with shattered glass. He broke right through my doors and woke me up from my long slumber. I didn’t have to dream of something better when the best I could have was right before me.

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I never stopped loving him …I still love him more than words can express.

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Because he doesn’t know how much he means to me, I hope one day he will.