After a nice lunch with my parents I got caught up in the moment and promised to make dinner plans for my birthday. My family has always gone to Greece in the summer and they love gyros. So to celebrate I made a reservation at a new Greek restaurant close to our home. I actually was excited to eat out together, just the four of us. When will I ever learn that I shouln't get my hopes up? 

​

On this very saturday I accompanied my parents with grocery shopping. I already knew that my mother hates it because she wants to stay home after a workweek, she also always gets into arguments with my father. And these can be over literally anything. It is a reason why I stopped going with them a while ago. Today I did join them and trust me when I say I felt frustrated almost the entire time. From the start we agreed we wouldn't waste time and just buy what is needed. My father isn't the most efficient man and he for sure knows how to test my patience. This I could handle but the underlying  tension between my parents during the entire trip, is what really gets me. My mother isn't greedy with complaints and my father doesn't give soft replies. When we finally arrived home I decided to go to the gym and I had a bit of time to release the uneasy feeling that I was stuck with. When I got back home everything seemed back to what I consider normal. 

Then the hour came that we were all supposed to get ready to leave for dinner. I went to the bathroom after declaring this explicitly. As I was in the bathroom I heard yelling from the kitchen. I couldn't exactly make out what they were saying. Little did I know an explosion happened and when I left the bathroom it was an all out war between my parents. My mother was very vocal in this fight. This is nothing special to me. 

But she did not stop. Not while she went to the bathroom, not when she was dressing up, not when she was got out of the house, not on the way to the restaurant and for the entire dinner she did not stop. It became worse after seeing and tasting the food. She only insulted the food and people. I felt embarassed and told her to please stop so we could focus on celebrating. Of course this attempt was met with a 'reverse uno'-play. I censor my mother's opinion. I am against her. 

Can't she see that she is hurting me with her behaviour?

It did not stop there. It only stopped when she left the restaurant without us. 

Eating with my family never works out. It's always a hell and it always makes me feel like I do not have a family. I wish for something simple but I will never have it. I know this and I still try; it feels like a fresh wound every time?