Thoughts

 

Everyone has those moments in which they just think too much. The funny thing is they happen in unexpected places and on an inappropriate time. Like under the shower or right before you go to sleep. Your mind just spaces off and makes you think about random things and situations. But why does it happen? Well there is a girl who keep thinking...

 

Like any other night she was wasting her time on her computer. She liked watching anime because it distracted her from reality which was a bother to her sometimes. It got rather late though and her mom told her to go to sleep. The girl loved her mom but she found her mom annoying at some times and this was one of them. The otaku girl just told her mom she would go to bed in a bit. Which she actually did but she didn't exactly sleep yet. When the girl went to her room she listened to music and as she did that she stared at the ceiling. That's how it always went, that's how she started to wander off with her thoughts. She would first think about what happened in her day. That day nothing important happened but she did talk to a few friends through chat. She always helped her friends with their problems. Eventhough she did that she still felt as if she was a bad friend to them. A friend once told her she was really a friend he could rely on but the girl didn't realize how much truth there is in that, she still doesn't. She feels useless when it comes to helping others. Inside she is a caring person but she always seems like the world doesn't concern her. There are times that the girl really didn't care about the world and who ever knows what but those times happen because she thinks too much. She questions a lot maybe too much. She would ask herself how people think, why they think that way, why they do things that they do and the questions just keep her mind full. Eventually she ends up with these questions which can never be answered.

 

Is there any meaning in her existence? Why does she exist?

 

What would life be if she never was born?

 

The girl didn't like the feeling of unanswered questions but unfortunately these questions could never be answered. She did try though. She tried to figure out what to do with her future but nothing really popped up. She didn't have any dreams left from when she was little. Unlike others she didn't know what to do after highschool. She wasn't interested in living. She didn't want to die either. Just the feeling of not wanting anything scared her. She spent many nights thinking about her future, even at school she would question others on how they know what they wanted in life but it wasn't useful to her. Her friends went to other schools so she only hang out with them once in a while. She did talk to them through chats though. The girl liked to ask weird questions just to find out how people see things, a different view might help her. Once again it didn't help, she wanted to have fun but thoughts always entered her mind before she could enjoy her time. Those thoughts that scared her. 

 

What was she supposed to do?

 

The girl had this one really good friend, it was actually her boyfriend, who made her experience all feelings. He didn't make her sad though, on the contrary he always wanted to make her happy. Whether she was mad, scared or sad, he always made sure she would smile. Still there were days when he knew she was off with her mind again. One day he would ask her this one question. She wished he never had asked it.

 

Are you depressed?

 

New questiones arose that moment. She questioned herself again and again but again there wasn't an answer. She only figured she wasn't depressed because she didn't want to die but then again that wasn't really what depressed meant. 

 

Was she unlucky in life? 

 

There were times that she hated life but was she really sick of how life was?

 

She will never know because she is stuck in life and stuck in her own thoughts that keep her from living.