Unchanging
Azu was a girl like any other at least she tried to be. The only thing that bothered her was talking. She often didn’t know what to say or just didn’t feel like words were necessary. She wasn’t always like that; when she was little she didn’t have difficulties with interaction. When she became a teenage the need to talk disappeared and she stopped reacting to others. There were people who thought she was weird. Others accepted her for how she was, they became her friends. Of course she also made an effort to show some emotion and reaction towards her friends. She always cared about them and wanted to help them when they were in need. She always was there to comfort her best friend Emi. She and Emi told each other everything, at least that’s what Emi thought. Azu couldn’t talk about everything; she always coped with her own problems while she helped others with theirs. As time passed Azu started liking a guy named Arai; they became really close and started dating. Emi always thought Azu and Arai were cute together. One time though the two friends were walking; while Azu was talking about Arai, Emi smiled a little.
“Can I say something?” Emi said with a lower voice.
“Sure.” Azu answered.
“Sometimes I think Arai would do more for you than you would do for him.” The girl said as she stopped walking.
Azu also stopped walking and asked the reason for this sudden information. Emi explained how Arai always was nice to Azu and he showed his affection through little things. Azu started walking again without answering anything. Emi thought her friend was crying so she stepped in front of her. She didn’t expect to see a smile on her friend’s face.
Psychopaths often smile when they are troubled by a double feeling. They don’t know how to show the right emotion and end up smiling to suppress their real feelings.
Azu felt like a mad person. When she arrived in her room, she closed the door and tears started forming in her eyes. While she took her jacket and shoes off, tears flew over her cheeks and dropped on the floor. Azu laid down on her bed and closed her eyes; after a while she fell asleep.
Azu’s days often ended that way. Without any sound she would cry in her room and hoped she would fall asleep fast.
She wondered why she couldn’t just tell her friends how she felt and showed how much she cared. She wanted to tell how much she loves them. She wants to truly laugh with them. Instead she can only put on a smile to show some form of assurance that she was listening to them. She couldn’t show her crying face. She couldn’t tell them what bothered her because when she tried they didn’t understand. Maybe she wasn’t well in explaining her thoughts but whenever she tried to open up a bit she got shut down again. She hoped for a day when that would change…
